By Maya Green
Once in a while, when an opportunity arises, I try to make small talk with someone I have just got to know, sometimes to a total stranger. As a naturally shy person, I wonder where such an uncommon courage, come from.
From such impromptu and spontaneous conversations, interesting bits and pieces, or gems of information — and even tantalising insights, can and do filter through the cloud of conversation that we navigate together. It’s like the sunlight suddenly penetrating through a sky overcast with thick clouds or heavy mist. The insights and commonalities appear from nowhere and we realise we have made connection with another human being.
One day, when the winter has already truly set in, unlike in the month of November when I was there last, in London I had such an encounter. In the month of January following, I was back again in London and, at the moment in question, was passing through the Hyde Park in the morning. Actually, I was on the way to LHR — that’s the call sign for London Heathrow airport.
“Aaah, balik lah cepat, sejuuuuk!” I muttered to myself at the back of the cab. I was already missing the warmth of tropical Singapore and was glad that I was already making my way home. The dinner last night was rather heavy and I was glad I came prepared, well covered with warm clothes and a woollen scarf. We had to walk around for a while in order to get to the specific restaurant my bosses picked for our dinner. The dateline was January 9, 2015, London.
I have flown in from Changi, Singapore a few days earlier for an important face to face meeting with my bosses based in our head office in London. Managing and operating a global trading business requires a lot of travelling to and fro. It can be rather tiring at times but it comes with the territory. It’s in the remit for the job, and the pay.
In the cab, I recall having an interesting conversation with my limo driver as we winded our way to Heathrow. From talking about the weather, we delved, quite seamlessly, into more meaty and philosophical stuff about how life was like the seasons — spring (youth), summer (mid-life), autumn (post mid-life) and winter (old age).
The main point of our conversation revolved around the need to live the moment in every season in order to achieve as full a life as we could before we have to say goodnight. We seemed to cohere and agree on that point, irrespective of the day job or profession we had.
We dwelled on how we tend to get our priorities all wrong and on the tendency to focus on accumulating material wealth and worldly riches whilst forgetting that the soul tends to be left famished and unattended to, as a consequence. How do we strike the balance? Both of us were silent for a rather pregnant pause.
We observed that some of us seek power over others, some want prestige, adoration, and a host of other things — not knowing that these are all temporary in nature and, in the context of eternity’s time frame, rather useless and irrelevant. Unexpectedly, our conversation was getting deeper but somehow it was surreal and meaningful at the same time. All these in the course of the taxi ride from the hotel to the airport. Between me and a so called ordinary taxi driver. He was hardly ordinary, to my mind.
I found out later on in the conversation that he was a Kosovan. Kosovo, he told me, used to be part of the Albanian nation before Albania was chopped up into many pieces by hungry, more powerful neighbours as Albania’s power and influence declined.
Albania could have disappeared totally had it not been for the USA who didn’t let that happen, when the rest of the other countries in the region were part of the then USSR’s universe of influence. I learnt something new that day, not just about Albania’s history but how geopolitical forces have shaped the world in places far from where we lived in, and how as we know now, continues to be the case. Even more and deliberately so, unfortunately.
Reflecting on that conversation now, I guess talking to strangers or passing acquaintances can be a powerful exploration of how little we know about the people we don’t know. It will help remind us how we tend to misjudge and misunderstand others, especially strangers, sometimes with terrible consequences.
Therefore, knowing others, even through short casual conversations, makes a powerful case for more understanding, tolerance and patience in our dealings with others. Of course, there could be inherent risks in such unplanned engagements, but the upsides tend to outweigh the downsides, in my experience.
Humans are social animals and love to relate to, and enter into conversations with other humans. It is only our own mindsets, misjudgement and inherent prejudices that tends to get in the way. So, reach out and try to get to know others. You’ll be surprised that they are humans just like us after all.
I found out that as a CEO in a global trading outfit of the world’s largest gas company, I was relating nicely with a limo driver on the ride to Heathrow. We were universes apart in many respects. He didn’t need to understand the complexities and intricacies of what I did for a living. Or the experiences I went through growing up in the jungles of Central Borneo. We just needed to relate to each other as fellow beings. To converse and create that sense of connection. A wonderful feeling, very well worth it, I have to confess.
